


The Long Dark Night

by Elveny



Series: Light can be persistant [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 05:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8519461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elveny/pseuds/Elveny
Summary: A Jedi Knight's tale





	

She had met evil people before. She had met cruel people, people so pragmatic that they were cold and people with no regard for life. She had met the person who had destroyed an entire planet without even a blink and it had only instilled a hunger for justice and righteous anger. It was only once that she killed with something hinting at pleasure and afterwards she had felt empty and shocked at herself. But her blades had sliced through Darth Angral with all the anger and grief behind it that he had instilled in her as he had killed Master Orgus and threatened her family and everyone she was ever close to. And the look of disbelief in his eyes as he realized he had underestimated her just before he blinked out of existence had been so very satisfying.

She never talked about it. Not to Kira, not to Master Satele, not even to Shiwon - maybe out of fear her Sith friend would understand only too well. She never even dared to admit it to herself, only in the long darkness of the night in space when she couldn’t sleep or meditate did the truth of it penetrate the wall she had built around that little seed of darkness.

But it was that seed that was her downfall just as she feared in small panicked seconds on her way to this point. Standing before the Emperor she hadn’t been prepared for the pure darkness he oozed. He was like a black hole, grabbing at her, drawing her closer, consuming her whole, clawing his way into her mind when the pure terror opened the door as she saw stronger Jedi than herself fall. He took that seed of darkness, breaking her walls without effort, and nursing it to a tentative flower. She hadn’t been prepared for the helplessness in her fingers as his will wrapped itself around her, both coaxing and forcing her down into a silent and too-comfortable mindlessness in the truest sense of the word. It was so easy to let go. And everything in her that was screaming for release and to get a grip of her blades, to make it end, was blocked out by the dark flower that was looming over her heart, fed by his power. So she just sank back into the comforting pillow of darkness and will he had created within her, closing her eyes to reality.

...

There were moments of consciousness. Hadn’t she fought and won against that looming red-faced mentor who watched over her progress? She blinked confused in the light and he seemed to take notice, his eyebrows shooting up just that tiny little bit, red eyes gleaming with interest and something like… hope? Then the dark claws were back, clutching her fiercely and she automatically held up her lightsaber against the attacks of the droids before her and the moment was gone. She stood over dying people, feeling nothing and the hope in the red eyes vanished more and more every time she brought her lightsaber up until it was gone.

Later, she assumed the ordeal and the touch of darkness she could never quite get rid of afterwards was what actually prepared her for what was to come. She had been part of the darkness, felt it’s comforting cold embrace and when the time came she need no longer feared it, for it was known to every fiber in her being.

The first time she saw the light that would later bring her Self back, she shrank from it, refused to acknowledge it. Something in her recoiled, went back beneath the dark flower in her heart and shut it’s eyes. But light can be persistent and even the tiniest ray is seen in the blackest of nights. It was so small at first, only the promise of a glimmer at the edge of her vision making her turn in an empty hallway, confused and then again mindless. She suddenly woke at night from the dreamless comatose state she sank into since her surrender to the Emperor, thinking herself somewhere else. The echo of a whisper mocked her and she was surprised to find dried tears on her cheeks, making her wonder if she had actually imagined the soft grass and lull of hummingbird wings. She didn’t dare to think about where she actually was and when the call came to get back to training, being mindless was easier than anything else. But the red eyes watching her progress saw and approved and she felt something stir.

When Master Orgus came to her, it was in a blaze of light that was so warm and bright she was sure it would blind her. It was with shock that she realized it didn’t and it was that shock more than anything else that made her truly wake up. The dark flower in her heart withered and died in an instant and the claws that had held her down for so long were gone so completely she wondered if they had ever been there. “Fight it”, Master Orgus said but at that point there was nothing to fight against but the terror that filled her when Jiune realized, actually realized, what had happened. She held onto the vision until she could breathe again and the soft, detached smile on his lips told her that he knew exactly what she had been fighting.

And out of that dried, stonelike monument that was the dark flower within her she built her resolve and an iron will. “Finally”, Kira said shortly afterwards when she had opened her shackles but Jiune only spared a small smile and offered no apology for this was nothing she could ever be forgiven for. The look from red eyes she met only minutes later understood her and she pretended not to notice the worried look her companions shared when she took the Sith who had trained her, who had watched over her kills, who hadn’t made a single move to free her, onboard her ship. Jiune knew she could never truly make them understand. But Lord Scourge understood. And approved.


End file.
